my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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