you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
