i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
