so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
