I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
