I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
