sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
