Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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