there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
