Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
