i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
