I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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