ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
