she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
