I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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