your room smells of hookers.
And success
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
