There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am one with the molecules
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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