Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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