i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
