Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
