the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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