Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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