my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
