I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
