I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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