mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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