How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
