Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
