I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You've changed since you got that strap on
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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