i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think people are normalizing furries
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
