Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
