jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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