Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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