i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
