Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
