I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
