I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
