first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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