glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize