dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he was CRYING into my vagina
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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