I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
