so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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