well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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