I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
