Don't you send me to vm
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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