Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
