Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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