But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
