I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
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Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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