So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Randomize
