My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
