I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
