you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
