I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
