duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
A+ Viking dick
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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