What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
