I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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