Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
