Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
