He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
