the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
