So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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