the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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