After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
