I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
