Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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