come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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