I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
