Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
