so that wasnt chicken after all
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's never too late to be topless.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
