I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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