hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Go christen that room with your naked body.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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