I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
