i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize