I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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