I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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