so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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