glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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